It is the question that I get so often this time of year.

“What do you want for Christmas?”

Well, other than the money to make my old truck drive in four high again, there are no earthly possessions that I feel that I need. So, any presents for me won’t break your bank. My presents cost no money at all, and they will not fit under any tree.

With that, here is a list of all the gifts that I want this Christmas.

I want, just one time, to see a pass fall incomplete in a football game without a defensive back signaling that the pass is incomplete.

Whether it is the NFL, college, high school or Little Guy Football, you see it every unsuccessful pass play in a football game. When the ball hits the ground, everyone is a referee.

Even when it’s a Mitch Trubisky pass that is 30 yards off target, the DBs signal incomplete like they made a diving play to tip it away.

I want NFL announcers to quit screaming all the time. 

If you watch the Red Zone channel, that is all you hear for seven hours each Sunday. Announcers who are supposed to be impartial yell like crazy on every run and every pass. 

It is so annoying that I would almost rather listen to an announcing team of Joe Buck and Chris Collinsworth.

Actually, no I wouldn’t. That seems to me like the announcers you would hear in that very, very hot place down below.

I want the NFL to decriminalize football.

Maybe if we make the referees wear masks like hangmen, they wouldn’t be so eager to get on our television screens. Really, the referees in the white hats get more airtime than Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe do on TBS. 

I am not exaggeration when I say that I was in my 30s before I saw a holding called on a run play in a football game. Now run holdings are called all the time in the NFL. You see more holding calls on one Sunday than you will see on Friday nights and Saturdays the rest of the year.

It is pretty sad that the first thing we do after an exciting play in an NFL game is look to the bottom of the screen to see if there’s a flag.

I want the college football telecasts to quit showing Colorado coach Deion Sanders so much.

During a Colorado game, the cameras show us Sanders more than they show us Jerry Jones, Pete Carroll and Taylor Swift. Combined. 

The announcers talk about Sanders all game, too. It is almost like there aren’t any players on the field.

Sanders is really good making everything about himself. He doesn’t need help by announcers who call the Godfather of Poor Sportsmanship “Coach Prime” — somehow with a straight face.

There is no way I can say “Coach Prime” without rolling my eyes.

I want a bonfire to burn every hat that has “FTC” or “FTG” on it.

I want all the people of Montana to cheer for the Grizzlies or Bobcats when they are playing in the playoffs. Hey, it doubles your chances to celebrate a national championship run.

I want people who assault or yell at youth sports officials to be sentenced by Parma, Ohio Municipal Court Judge Timothy P. Gilligan.

Last week, Gilligan sentenced 39-year-old Rosemary Hayne to 60 days working at Chipotle after she was found guilty of throwing a burrito bowl in the face of a worker.

That should set legal precedence to sentence screaming moms and dads to work as referees.

If you are going to yell at refs all game, then you should be sentenced to study for and pass the referee exam. Then you should have to buy a uniform and whistle, go to the weekly study club meetings, suit up and walk a mile in an official’s all-black shoes.

Just one weekend refereeing a traveling basketball tournament would straighten out even the worst of fans.

The Three Forks fan who recently pushed a referee after his son’s high school team won a close game in Harrison should be sentenced to referee soccer, football, wrestling, softball and baseball, too. 

It beats the felony that he’s facing now.

I want baseball to be baseball again.

We shouldn’t need to bring in big guns like Santa Clause to protect our national pastime from baseball illiterate commissioner Rob Manfred. 

OK, so you might be able to convince me to stick to stick with a pitch clock. But get rid of all the other rules they put in place recently to supposedly speed the game up.

What kind of fool is in a hurry to end a baseball game, anyway?

I want the Dodgers to be forced to officially change their name to the “Yankees.”

After signing Shohei Ohtani to a 10-year, $700-million contract, George Steinbrenner turned down Buck and Collinsworth for a moment to scream about the need for a hard salary cap in baseball.

How can you not cheer for the Dodgers without holding your pinky to your moth — Dr. Evil style — the entire game? Cheering for the Dodgers is now like cheering for Amazon tax breaks.

By trying to literally buy every free agent, the Dodgers are making the late Steinbrenner’s New York Yankees look like the Kansas City Royals.

I want the Red Sox to be more like the Dodgers.

As “Weird Al” Yankovic said, “If money can’t buy happiness, I guess I’ll have to rent it.”

I want the members of the Montana Public Service Commission to have their hearts grow three sizes and repeal that 28 percent rate hike that is hitting so hard this Christmas.

Maybe watching a Christmas movie will help them see that they are hurting the people who are already hurting the most.

I want the same for members of the Montana Legislature and governor Greg Gianforte.

It wasn’t bad enough that they raised our property taxes so much while giving giant breaks to wealthy corporations. They also took away health insurance for 25,000 kids.

How can they sleep after that? I’d be too afraid of getting a visited by that last ghost on Scrooged.

I want Montana State quarterback Tommy Mellott to finally have some injury luck for his senior season. The former Butte High Bulldog will lead the Bobcats to the national title if he does.

I want Tommy to be drafted by the Chicago Bears after that 2024 run to the national title for the Bobcats. Whether it is quarterback, receiver, running back, safety or general manager, I want Tommy on my team no matter what.

I want Washington to win the college football national championship.

The Huskies are ranked No. 2 heading into the College Football Playoff. They play No. 3 Texas in the Sugar Bowl on Jan. 1, and former Montana Tech coach Chuck Morrell is a co-defensive coordinator for Washington. 

Sure, Coach Morrell isn’t a quote machine like his predecessor, Coach Bob Green, but he is one heck of a great guy. He also plans to retire back to Butte someday.

It would be pretty cool if he came back with a Huskies championship ring.

I want everyone in Butte and Montana to join me in cheering for Coach Morrell and the Huskies.

I want peace on Earth and goodwill toward men, women, children, dogs, cats and goldfish.

I want everyone to have a safe, happy and healthy holiday season, no matter which holidays you celebrate.

Finally …

I want my old truck to shift into four high again.

— Bill Foley, who would settle for some hoodies from 5518 or gift cards to Casagranda’s Steakhouse or Metals Sports Bar & Grill, can be reached at foles74@gmail.com. Follow him at twitter.com/Foles74. Listen to the ButteCast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you find your favorite podcasts.