If I could trade places with one person, it would not be a billionaire or leader of a country.
It would not be a movie star or wrestling heel, though the latter would be very intriguing. It would not even be the center fielder of the Boston Red Sox or even Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Williams.
No, if I could trade places with one person, it would be with Gary Corbin. That guy knows how to be a sports fan.
Gary isn’t a diehard fan of any team that I can tell. Instead, he is the anti-fan who trolls other fans at a level that would make Ric Flair cringe. Gary is the master of pouring salt into your sports wounds.
He is Vince McMahon, Andy Kaufman and that annoying football fan who really doesn’t know anything about football in the work cubical next door all rolled into one. He is a super troll, and man is he funny.
Fans of the New York Yankees and Chicago Bears often find themselves in Gary’s crosshairs. Gary celebrates the national holiday we call Yankees Elimination Day every year, and he loudly laughs every time the Bears get pantsed in Lambeau Field.
He needles fans of the Montana Grizzlies when they get brought down from their ivory tower, too.
More than anything, Gary terrorizes fans of Notre Dame football, a collection of fans not known for their sense of humor when it comes to Notre Dame football.
Attacking the Fighting Irish in the very Irish city of Butte, America can be a very dangerous thing to do. It is particularly risky for Gary since he makes his living on commission sales of recreational vehicles.
But Gary does not care, and that is a very beautiful thing. It is literally the only beautiful thing about him.
On Saturday, Gary changed his profile photo on Facebook to the football helmet of BYU. It was a few hours before the Irish played the Cougars in Provo, Utah. A day after the Irish lost on a very controversial ending, Gary changed his photo to the Navy football logo. The Irish play the Midshipmen in their next game.
No matter how that game goes, Gary will likely then change his profile picture to the University of Miami’s logo. The Hurricanes play Notre Dame on Nov. 7. Then it will go to Boston College, SMU and Syracuse.
I would have to say that cheering against the most popular teams in town must be a fun way to spend you Saturday or Sunday. Really, it is stress-free, win-win situation.
When his team — whatever team that is — is not relevant, he always has other fan bases to torment. Every year is a Super Bowl year when you approach sports like that.
If the team whose fanbase he is pestering wins, he just immediately starts in on the next week until he finally gets his payday. Since the Yankees haven’t won a World Series since 2009, the Bears haven’t won the Super Bowl since 1985, and Notre Dame hasn’t won a national championship since 1993, Gary always gets that payday eventually.
(Yes, I know that the history book says Florida State won in 1993, but I do not accept that travesty of justice.)
Gary used to include me in the group of Bears fans that he pesters, but I never bit on it much. So, now he usually picks on Davey Dunmire and C.D. Holter, among others.
C.D. fired back by naming his giant teddy bear, which is dressed in a Mike Ditka jersey, after Gary. He posts photos of the bear with a comment aimed at Gary sometimes after Bears wins.
With all due respect to my good friend C.D., that taunt does not really land. The only thing “Cobsy Bear” really exposes is the fact that C.D. is a guy who is pushing 60 and still sleeps with a teddy bear.
This past Saturday must rank as one of the better nights in Gary’s anti-sports-fan life. Not only did Notre Dame lose as a double-digit road favorite, they did so in glorious fashion while a boatload of Butte Rats made a pilgrimage to Provo to watch their beloved Irish play.
Gary must have giggled himself to sleep after he posted a meme that showed Notre Dame fans jumping off the top of the Knights of Columbus building. Any replies, angry or curious, only make him laugh more.
In a way, Gary is simply trolling people who take sports too seriously, and you can count me in that camp. I was mad as hell watching the end of the game the other night.
While Notre Dame did not play well enough to deserve a victory, the Irish were certainly cheated out of a legitimate chance of scoring a last-second touchdown to win the game. If you don’t see that, then you do not know what you are talking about.
First, an obvious pass interference stopped what would have been a game-winning touchdown pass. So, Notre Dame should have had one more snap from the 2-yard line.
Even though the Big 12 referees did not call the penalty, there still should have been 1 second left in the game. The conference even admitted as much. The ball was on the ground for the incomplete pass as the clock clearly showed 1 second left.
How that was not reviewed at the time should be investigated by congress.
Even as I yelled some awful things at my brother’s television, I had to immediately open the Facebook app to see Gary’s reaction. Even in pain, I had to appreciate a good trolling.
The funny thing is Gary and I were first introduced when he, as a Bobcats fan, was on the other end of my trolling. In the early days of the 21st Century, and Matt Vincent and I poked fun at the Montana State football program’s high-profile legal problems and the fact that their roster included more Californians than Montanans.
It was a troll job on the sports page of The Montana Standard.
When Gary sent an email to complain to me about our column, I took a page out of Al Frankin’s playbook and sent him what appeared to be a form letter thanking him for his support.
Every time he responded to tell me it wasn’t an email of support, I would send him the same email thanking him for his support. I did that until the managing editor of the newspaper pleaded with me to “leave Gary Corbin alone.”
His sister, the aptly-named Karen, told me that we only fought because we were so much alike. She said if we knew each other, we would be good friends. She was right.
Eventually, we got to know and respect each other. I would like to think it is because game recognizes game. When it comes to taunting sports fans, nobody has more game than Gary. Like it or not, Notre Dame fans saw it again this weekend.
Despite the tough loss, I still think Notre Dame has the team and head coach to make a run in the playoff this season. That is assuming the NCAA, the major conferences and ESPN don’t conspire to wrongly keep the Irish out of the playoffs again this year.
If the Irish win it all, oh boy is Gary in trouble. You’ve heard of the mythical “blue wave” or “red wave?” Well, this will be a Rudy Ruettiger wave that will overtake Gary on his long-overdue day of reckoning.
That will be one day when I will not want to change places with Gary Corbin. I will be too busy giggling myself to sleep.
— This Bill Foley, who would be a very weak wrestling heel, can be reached at foles74@gmail.com. Follow him at twitter.com/Foles74 or Bluesky at @foles74.bsky.social. Listen to him on the ButteCast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you find your favorite podcasts.
