Have you ever tried to swear on a text message?

Thanks to the stupid invention that is autocorrect, it is not an easy thing to do. That is why we see a lot of talk about ducks and shots in the Yankees-Red Sox text chain I have been a part of for about the last five years.

Autocorrect is the same technology that keeps wanting to call Tommy Mellott “Tommy Mellon,” as if the Montana State star quarterback could do the Triple Lindy off the high board.

Sure, my wife says I need to find some better friends, and she is probably right.

She will see me laughing at something one of them texted and ask what is so funny. When I try to explain, she just rolls her eyes because not everyone has the sense of humor of an eighth-grade boy.

When appropriately discussing the Yankees, however, swearing is a must.

It is also hard to not use obscene language when taunting your friends about politics, basketball, football or their mothers.

If Republican legislators in Montana get their way, however, such eloquent, sophisticated banter could be much harder to communicate in the future.

House Bill No. 349, which passed the Montana House on Friday, would require manufacturers of phones and tablets sold in Montana to install and enable obscenity filters by July 1. Failure to do so would result in a $10,000 fine.

Yes, the party of less government and fewer red tape is pushing for more government overreach and whole lot of extra red tape.

It might be the silliest piece of legislation since North Korea Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un came up with the really good idea of outlawing sarcasm in his country.

The beauty of the law is that old timers like us will have to ask our kids how to turn the obscenity filter off if the Montana Taliban gets its way.

You know that will happen, right? The children will figure out how to turn the filter off, while those of us whose VCRs still flash 12:00 will not.

It is hard to say exactly what an obscenity filter will filter, but those of us not smarter than a fifth grader might have to start using euphemisms and suggestive vulgarity instead of swear words. We are all going to have to talk like we are on the radio and write like we are in the newspaper.

That, though, could be more fun. I have always maintained that suggestive humor is the best.

The Opie and Anthony Show was much funnier on the airwaves than it was on the unregulated satellite radio. Seinfeld on NBC was funnier than Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO.

That is probably why you usually see people smiling ear to ear when they chant “Let’s Go Brandon.” Sure, I have more respect for the people who just say “F-word Joe Biden” than I do those who are too chicken S-word to say what they really mean, but I kind of like the intention of a suggestive loophole. 

If the Senate passes the bill and Governor Greg Gianforte signs it into law — and you know he will — we will have to start suggesting swear words instead of typing real obscenities and then retyping them because of stupid autocorrect.

That could be a lot of fun — if I knew for sure my friends were smart enough to figure it out. A couple of them are, but not all of them.

Plus, using the blank-word method is confusing. There are multiple P-words and multiple C-words, and we seem to be adding to the list of words considered dirty every day.

It is hard to keep up with the words the powers that be tell us are bad.

Are we going to have to start abbreviating with two letters like the states in a mailing address?

My text chain includes three Red Sox fans and two Yankees fans. It used to be 3 on 3 but one Yankees fan took the B-word way out and left. It is basically 3 on 1 Red Sox now because another Yankees fan is unarmed when it comes to a battle of the wits.

That dip S-word just swears at us on the rare times that he chimes in. Thanks to HB349, he might not be able to do that.

Then I will be down to just three idiot friends because that D-word won’t even be able to send the middle finger emoji anymore, and that is just a shame.

I am pretty sure when the founding fathers wrote the Bill of Rights, they intended for me to use a middle finger emoji when I walk around with my Uzi.

How am I going to properly emphasize the need to put some respect on Rafael Devers’ name without an expletive?

When Aaron Judge strikes out in a key situation, and he will, I will have to text “All sit the F-word down!”

Or will the filter get rid of that, too?

We will have to start communicating like 13-year-old girls with texts like OMFG and LMAO.

Who wants to do that? I am not even sure what that means.

HB349 will also likely lead to higher prices for cell phones. The manufacturers are not going to eat the cost of complying with government meddling. They will pass that S-word on to the customers.

Yes, we get the idea of the bill. It is to “protect the children.”

Well, that and to divert attention as our rich out-of-state elected officials give ginormous tax breaks to the super-rich and sell off our natural resources to their wealthy, out-of-state friends.

The party that wants to ban books and put “parents back in charge,” is looking to take parents out of the equation in the first place.

Parents should already be able to protect their children by monitoring their cellphone and tablet use. They should already be talking to their children about the time they spend on their devices and what they are spending it on.

Gianforte already took overreaching steps to block the use of TikTok over Wi-Fi on state college campuses because, he says, China is using the app to spy on Americans.

You know, those same Americans who share their every inner thought and location on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or whatever other new social media comes out this week cannot have their privacy compromised.

That last line would not go over well with Kim Jong-un. Or Greg Gianforte. 

You know who would applaud our governor’s banning of an app? You guessed it. China and North Korea.

Both of those authoritarian countries would be big fans of a mandatory obscenity filter. So would Russia and any other country where the people are not free to do as they choose.

If parents want to stop their children from accessing obscenity, they already have the tools. If a phone does not have parental protection on it, then they can buy another kind of phone.

Or, they can simply not buy their children phones and tablets in the first place. They could buy them a book — if they are not already burned.

Why infringe on the rights of the rest of us idiots to be, well, idiots?

I get it. My friends and I are clowns for the humor we express when S-wording on the Yankees and Red Sox.

But that is our right, and we are not hurting anybody but our own feelings.

We should not have to ask our children how to turn off the obscenity filter so we can text like adults.

— Bill Foley, who once accidentally did the Triple Lindy from the high board, can be reached at foles74@gmail.com. Follow him at twitter.com/Foles74. Listen to the ButteCast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you find your favorite podcasts.